Wow...weeks 3 and 4 were weeks of re-ve-la-tion. School is breaking me dOWn! My viewpoints teacher has been using this analogy since day one to describe the experience: we are headed towards a cliff...she is at the bottom of the cliff and we need to come towards her... During week 4 we entered free fall... during free fall, we realize so many things about ourselves. We did a viewpoints activity that allowed us to truly (sprititually, in my case) connect with our characters by repeating movements and facts about that character. It amazing how it can create a true character.
FACT: REAL acting...REAL characters....come from ACTOR! They start with the actor. Contrary to popular belief...when you see that person play that character that seems so "far" from them...it is, but it isn't. Because at one point they started creating that character with the base of themsleves and it was them...in that character that made it beautiful. FOR INSTANCE...
Jennifer Holiday playing Effie White vs Jennifer Hudson: we can argue that one is a better singer/actor than the other but each Effie is a different
interpretation depending on who they are, their lives/experiences and how they see the character.
That is amazing. So...that means that these actors are doing lots and lots of work to bring the character to them... A character is a blend of the information the script provides and what the actor brings to it.
Lots and lots of work. Thus, I come to one of my biggest revelations in the last four weeks. I am only beginning. Ok. So I knew this, but now I really know. The work of an actor is DIF-I-CULT! It is hard. It is not to be played with. It is a craft! It is not a joke! You know how people say..."i want to sort of get into acting." They have no idea what they are getting into. It works all parts of your brain and body, your mind, soul, and spirit. And you can't bs! Or you will SUCK! And you won't work! Period! It saddens me that some people think it's just something fun and that's it. It is fun...but it must be handled with care. I can't stress it enough.
The last two weeks I have been in an all out war ( and losing) with my self-confidence/self esteem.
With family drama looming earlier in the third week I already had a heavy heart at school. Now that the "hard" work has truly begun...I have been fighting those insecurity soldiers. At this point, we have started working more with text...Oh text. I am revisted with the fact that I am one out of the 4-5 of us that don't have or are not working on theatre degrees currently. When this program started, one of the most comforting aspects of it were that we all seemed to start at the same level...regardless of the experience. Now that we are doing the "heady" or more "intellectual" portion of the work (analyzing text, rationalizing actions etc) I feel so small. And stupid. I know those are ugly words but I'm being honest and that's how I have been feeling. We added three new classes...so now we have 7 right now. Yep 7 classes (text analysis (ugh), shakespeare monologue, contemporary monologue). Our other four have gotten more intense. Sometimes I'm in class feeling like the black girl from the Southside of Chicago who got decent grades but realized that those grades meant nothing when compared to her suburban peers who have been taking college-like classes since 8th grade and were being prepared since then. Yep, I went there. That's how I've been feeling. In short, I have been fighting to say secure, and understand that my journey is different than theirs and I belong there. I am enough. 
But it's a fight...and it doesn't help that everyday at school is an emotional workout. Every class. I have not cried or been at the brink of tears so much in my life. AaAh! So I keep fighting. I get homework daily (some of which I should be doing now).
As Fred Douglass said: "With no struggle there is no progress." I have realized that this work is harder than I thought. Am I going to stop, no. What will I do instead: work harder...of course. Before I run I must walk, before I walk I must learn to crawl. I'm crawling y'all.
R. Marie
FACT: REAL acting...REAL characters....come from ACTOR! They start with the actor. Contrary to popular belief...when you see that person play that character that seems so "far" from them...it is, but it isn't. Because at one point they started creating that character with the base of themsleves and it was them...in that character that made it beautiful. FOR INSTANCE...
Jennifer Holiday playing Effie White vs Jennifer Hudson: we can argue that one is a better singer/actor than the other but each Effie is a different
interpretation depending on who they are, their lives/experiences and how they see the character.That is amazing. So...that means that these actors are doing lots and lots of work to bring the character to them... A character is a blend of the information the script provides and what the actor brings to it.
Lots and lots of work. Thus, I come to one of my biggest revelations in the last four weeks. I am only beginning. Ok. So I knew this, but now I really know. The work of an actor is DIF-I-CULT! It is hard. It is not to be played with. It is a craft! It is not a joke! You know how people say..."i want to sort of get into acting." They have no idea what they are getting into. It works all parts of your brain and body, your mind, soul, and spirit. And you can't bs! Or you will SUCK! And you won't work! Period! It saddens me that some people think it's just something fun and that's it. It is fun...but it must be handled with care. I can't stress it enough.
The last two weeks I have been in an all out war ( and losing) with my self-confidence/self esteem.
With family drama looming earlier in the third week I already had a heavy heart at school. Now that the "hard" work has truly begun...I have been fighting those insecurity soldiers. At this point, we have started working more with text...Oh text. I am revisted with the fact that I am one out of the 4-5 of us that don't have or are not working on theatre degrees currently. When this program started, one of the most comforting aspects of it were that we all seemed to start at the same level...regardless of the experience. Now that we are doing the "heady" or more "intellectual" portion of the work (analyzing text, rationalizing actions etc) I feel so small. And stupid. I know those are ugly words but I'm being honest and that's how I have been feeling. We added three new classes...so now we have 7 right now. Yep 7 classes (text analysis (ugh), shakespeare monologue, contemporary monologue). Our other four have gotten more intense. Sometimes I'm in class feeling like the black girl from the Southside of Chicago who got decent grades but realized that those grades meant nothing when compared to her suburban peers who have been taking college-like classes since 8th grade and were being prepared since then. Yep, I went there. That's how I've been feeling. In short, I have been fighting to say secure, and understand that my journey is different than theirs and I belong there. I am enough. 
But it's a fight...and it doesn't help that everyday at school is an emotional workout. Every class. I have not cried or been at the brink of tears so much in my life. AaAh! So I keep fighting. I get homework daily (some of which I should be doing now).
As Fred Douglass said: "With no struggle there is no progress." I have realized that this work is harder than I thought. Am I going to stop, no. What will I do instead: work harder...of course. Before I run I must walk, before I walk I must learn to crawl. I'm crawling y'all.
R. Marie
keep fighting.
ReplyDeletei LOVE, and i do mean L-O-V-E your hair (the fro).
crawl? walk? run?....you'll be FLYING in due time.
love you.
Thanks girl:)
ReplyDeleteThe devil uses doubt to tell us, we're not good enough, smart enough and all of the other ... enoughs. But, he's a damn liar. You are there because it has been predestined by God for you to be there. Which means you are good enough. GOD said you were. NOW! Don't let demons masquarding as something else, DETER YOU EVER!!!!!
ReplyDeleteKEEP FIGHTING GIRL, IT'S YOURS!
ReplyDeletexoxo, Leslie