Alright. I am finally able to discuss this. With all the drama at school and in my personal life, hearing "the news" was something I was unable to process. Now I am finally starting to deal with it. Oh, Michael. I was leaving class when I found out. One of my classmates got a text about it and I said. NO...NO...I don't believe it. I won't believe it until I look it up myself. So, I looked it up on my phone and alas, it was true. I spent the time up until the memorial in total shock. I still am, in a way. If I was able to give "remarks" at his funeral, my speech would include this:
I am extremely saddened and ruptured by this. It's as if he was a family member of mine. No, seriously. I wasn't sure that this was how I was going to feel. Just as other 80's kids, Michael was my "childhood." His music defined my generation. I also was very connected to "early Michael," you know, the Michael that existed before I was born. I used to watch "The Jacksons, an American Dream" over and over, and over again. I borrowed, purchased, old CD's, knew about songs that some people my age may have been "sleep" on. Like this one:
I remember watching the Thriller Video over and over again, each time viewing it in awe as if it were the first time I ever saw it. Oh...when the videos from "Dangerous" premiered on FOX...trying to replicate the dance from "Remember the Time." Loving his comeback in "Rock my World."
When all the drama was going on with him, I saw only a beautiful soul, that had been hurt horribly. The pain we experience internally reflects on the external. And now, everything makes sense. That's why he changed himself so. No...I'm not condoning it by any means, but I get it.
Did you know that he's in the Guiness Book of World Records? He set so many World Records...including giving the most money to charity. He gave so much. If a hospital needed beds, he would build a hospital with beds. If a school needed books he would build a school. He had a HUGE heart...something that people these days may not have.
Then we find out more information this week...he had Lupus, a disease I am very familiar with given my mother and cousin both have it. All those times he was in a wheel chair and people thought he was doing it for publicity, he was actually in deep, hard, pain! The attacks that come from Lupus result in unimaginable, unbearable pain. Then...Lupus is often accompanied by skin diseases...like vitalaigo... which resulted in his hand discoloring...which resulted in it starting in his hand...which resulted in him wearing the glove. Again, not condoning or arguing Mike's psychosocial issues, but when his skin became spotted, he felt he needed to do something to it. It all comes together.
Apart from what he did to himself, it pains me what the media did to him. Like Rev. Al Sharpton said at the memorial to M.J.'s children: "Wasn't nothing strange about yo' daddy. It was strange what yo' daddy had to go through." Rev. Al got major respect from me that day.
On another note, I have had some great bonding moments with my parents. As we watched the memorial on DVR (cuz you know I was in school at the time it aired), I was filled with so much emotion. I told them "ya'll don't understand. Michael was my childhood. They both looked at me with big eyes and said: "uh...MICHAEL IS OUR CHILDHOOD TOO!" Oh yeah, I thought(Oh Rhonda :, DUH.) Then for the last few nights (instead of getting my work done), we've been you tubing old Michael videos and live performances. Of all the songs...these are two (of many) that are near and dear to my heart. Rest in Peace Michael.
Don't miss his pop-locking at the end!
And...You Tube won't let me imbed this one, but check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hK3Y1Ehv9c
One more thing...Michael inspired me so much. He made me believe I could have dreams too, and I could do anything. Thank you Michael.
R. Marie
MJ: FOREVER!
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