Day 3: Letting Go

I apologize for shortening day two so much. Like I said, my internet connection was disrupted and I was unable to rewrite what had been erased.

I felt weird yesterday. Viewpoints class was so great but then when I got to improv, those ugly demons of insecurity and intimidation showed up. I am not at all improv trained and have not had much experience doing it so I didn't feel as confident. I allowed that to stink up my day and then I went home in a weird mood.

Today, I wanted to start fresh. So...I tried to have a new attitude but I was quiet and cautious. Then we had our morning Viewpoints class and we did the YES activity. This was one of the best moments of my last three days. During the YES activity, we all got into a big circle and one person made eye contact with another. So lets give them names. Bootoo walks towards Nikabee and then Nikabee is supposed to say YES. Then Nikabee finds another person to "give it" to and she says "YES". As you bring your energy to an individual, you must allow it to take you and as someone brings their energy, you must take it. It started out as all of us simply saying the word "yes" to us laughing, crying, running, screaming, rolling on the floor, hugging, flipping, etc. The point of the activity was for us to respond from our hearts and not from our heads. Not to think about what to do but DO IT. This is difference between acting and BEING. The real stuff. Something spiritual happened to me in the center of the circle...I felt like I no longer had control of my body and I found myself leaping in the air, screaming and loosing full control. It felt GREAT! After the activity we all discussed it and I shed a quick tear, confessing to the group that my internal dialogue, the way I judge myself and second-guess myself, and continuously worry about what others think of me affects my work and keeps me from fully being real in the moment. As others also shared similar feelings, when I said what I said many others related to me as well. After I got that out, I felt so much better. I began to be loose, and I felt like I can do anything...the fear gradually disappeared.

Next up was Meisner Class. I love this too! Another class about acting with truth. Have you ever seen those actors whose work looks so real that you forget "it's them" and you believe every word they say to be truth? They were more than likely Meisner trained. We did the classic repetition activity where we repeat everything the partner says to each other. Just anything one thinks of they can say. Now this can get as superficial as "you have red hair" to as personal as "You are so mean" It's all about responding honestly in the moment.

We next had lunch, then had voice class! I was all about this class, as it is taught by a speech pathologist who specializes in VOICE. I shared that I wanted to work on code-switching my CHicago accent (southside black girl, specificially), and using a lower register when I speak so I get cast as more mature young ladies and super excited chicks.

We didn't do activities, but Kate(voice teacher) had us all do monologues so she can gage what we needed to work on. Now I was very nervous about this because this was the first time we got to see each others work. I did my signature monologue and although a flipped a phrase around, a few people told me later it was really good. Everybody in that class gave amazing monologues...it makes so much sense why we are all here:)

Then there was viewpoints again where we played with different spatial relationships (body positions with each oether and apart) It's hard to explain viewpoints. If I find a youtube video I will post it. That was lots of fun.

Overall today was a wonderful day. The program is like
"group therapy" and there is a divine reason that everyone is there. I let go of some of the crap that is holding me back from fully enjoying this experience and just accepted that (or I am working on) is that 1) I am not perfect, 2) I have something to offer, and 3) I deserve to be in this program.

I am enough.
R.Marie