Alex...my fabulous Viewpoints teacher tells us that it is not about the outcome, but the process. It is not about the end result, but the journey. Acting is a process, and even on closing night of a play the "process" should still be going on.
So...for some reason I was low key today. I think it had to do with three things 1) regular end of the week exhaustion, 2) the weather, and 3) my hair. My hair??? Er?
I have had relaxer-free hair for four years now and typically during the September-May months I get my hair straightened two-three times a month. During the summers, I wear it natural. It was a big thing for me for grow out my hair. But then I go back to straightening it whenever I start a new job/meet new people/ 80% of the year. There is security I feel with my hair being straight. It looks nice, but it is also the way I have generally worn my hair for the last forever years. There is safety in my hair being straight, so although I don't have a relaxer I religiously pay my Egyptian brothers $40-50 every two weeks. Why did I grow the mess out in the first place...oh yeah, to wear it natural over the summer. Last summer I wore my hair natural for two weeks. Why...because I felt too safe with my hair. It's safer to wear it straight...people expect it so I wear it.
What does this have do with anything? I'll tell you.
WolfSchool (as we are beginning to call it) has been teaching me for the last few days that I need to accept me as "enough" and not be safe all of the time be open and blah blah blah. So, although my hair looks nice straightened...I always think it is so plain and it doesn't fully express who I am.
So I washed the head last night and wore it natural today. Every time I break my hair out each summer it feels like I have grown it out for the first time. I walked in that room nervous at first but then I just walked in like "hey" this is me! My girl Kristina (I have friends already!) said she noticed my confidence right off. I know some people may like my straight hair better, but I felt the most me today.
At Improv class today (which is not my favorite so far), I felt weird. I love to go see improv, but because I feel that it is not my strongest skill, I feel small when I am there. We had a scene where I felt like I dominated the whole thing. Improv is big on "give" and "take." When someone gives you something you take it, you also have to wait until you receive something and vice versa (vice-a versa as they say in the hood). I was taking way too much, because when I can think off the top of my head what to say, I keep talking and talking and talking. Sheldon, our improv teacher who is an Improv legend but reminds me of an old Chemistry teacher in college, let me know that I have a very strong presence on stage, and I am always interesting to watch. I just need to be and not add anything else extra. "Bring a brick to the stage, not a cathederal" as Mike the improv assistant told me. Either way, I appreciated their comments but I felt depleted.
After Feldenkrais (body training) we had Viewpoints class which was a big party/soul train line to release all of our tension. That made me feel good. At our weekly wrap up session with our coordinator, I vented that I hated improv today and what I realized as I was speaking is that...DUH...this is DAY 4! There will be 50 days to get better, and this is A PROCESS! Just as me accepting that I am not my hair, my flaws, and who I am...life is a process! Thus, it's important to respect that! I didn't pay 3 G's for people to tell me that I am doing everything great! It is what it is...it will be what it will be...I just need to be along for the ride, and up for the challenge.
R. Marie
So...for some reason I was low key today. I think it had to do with three things 1) regular end of the week exhaustion, 2) the weather, and 3) my hair. My hair??? Er?
I have had relaxer-free hair for four years now and typically during the September-May months I get my hair straightened two-three times a month. During the summers, I wear it natural. It was a big thing for me for grow out my hair. But then I go back to straightening it whenever I start a new job/meet new people/ 80% of the year. There is security I feel with my hair being straight. It looks nice, but it is also the way I have generally worn my hair for the last forever years. There is safety in my hair being straight, so although I don't have a relaxer I religiously pay my Egyptian brothers $40-50 every two weeks. Why did I grow the mess out in the first place...oh yeah, to wear it natural over the summer. Last summer I wore my hair natural for two weeks. Why...because I felt too safe with my hair. It's safer to wear it straight...people expect it so I wear it.
What does this have do with anything? I'll tell you.
WolfSchool (as we are beginning to call it) has been teaching me for the last few days that I need to accept me as "enough" and not be safe all of the time be open and blah blah blah. So, although my hair looks nice straightened...I always think it is so plain and it doesn't fully express who I am.
So I washed the head last night and wore it natural today. Every time I break my hair out each summer it feels like I have grown it out for the first time. I walked in that room nervous at first but then I just walked in like "hey" this is me! My girl Kristina (I have friends already!) said she noticed my confidence right off. I know some people may like my straight hair better, but I felt the most me today.
At Improv class today (which is not my favorite so far), I felt weird. I love to go see improv, but because I feel that it is not my strongest skill, I feel small when I am there. We had a scene where I felt like I dominated the whole thing. Improv is big on "give" and "take." When someone gives you something you take it, you also have to wait until you receive something and vice versa (vice-a versa as they say in the hood). I was taking way too much, because when I can think off the top of my head what to say, I keep talking and talking and talking. Sheldon, our improv teacher who is an Improv legend but reminds me of an old Chemistry teacher in college, let me know that I have a very strong presence on stage, and I am always interesting to watch. I just need to be and not add anything else extra. "Bring a brick to the stage, not a cathederal" as Mike the improv assistant told me. Either way, I appreciated their comments but I felt depleted.
After Feldenkrais (body training) we had Viewpoints class which was a big party/soul train line to release all of our tension. That made me feel good. At our weekly wrap up session with our coordinator, I vented that I hated improv today and what I realized as I was speaking is that...DUH...this is DAY 4! There will be 50 days to get better, and this is A PROCESS! Just as me accepting that I am not my hair, my flaws, and who I am...life is a process! Thus, it's important to respect that! I didn't pay 3 G's for people to tell me that I am doing everything great! It is what it is...it will be what it will be...I just need to be along for the ride, and up for the challenge.
R. Marie
you're growing;)
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